Responding Positively To Your Teen's Temperament

There are a number of positive ways parents can respond to and support their children's normal extroversion and introversion traits:

1. To begin with, parents can inform themselves of the different characteristics of temperament, especially introversion and extroversion. The Introvert Advantage, referenced below, is a great place to start.
2. Learn the advantages and disadvantages of both introversion and extroversion, and don’t fall into the trap of pathologizing one or the other. Usually, with extroverts outnumbering introverts by 3:1, the tendency is to think that extroverted behavior is normal and introverted behavior is abnormal. They are both normal.
3. Try to see the world through the eyes of your son or daughter if they are of a different temperament than you.
4. Help your sons and daughters value their innate characteristics, while at the same time encouraging them to stretch themselves into areas of behavior where they may not be completely comfortable.
5. Keep in mind that while temperament does create initial propensities, it does not limit ultimate possibilities.

As a parent, remind yourself that:

1. Exploring fewer aspects of the world in depth is no better nor worse than exploring many aspects and enjoying breadth. They are merely different.
2. Introverts are generally drained by (over) stimulation. Extroverts are energized by stimulation.
3. Introverts enjoy people too, but in smaller quantities than extroverts.
4. Introverts generally think before they speak, whereas extroverts are comfortable thinking as they speak.
5. Extroverts have to learn to slow conversations down and make room for introverts.
6. Introverts have to learn to mix with others, to make small talk, and to enjoy the ordinary aspects of relationships.
7. Shame, guilt, social phobia, excessive shyness, and avoidant personality disorder are all psychological problems that require therapeutic treatment. They are not the same as introversion.
8. Introverts and extroverts may collide rather than expand each other’s thinking if they do not understand their basic differences.
9. And finally, in the words of Jess Lair, as quoted by Marti Olsen Laney, author of The Introvert Advantage, remember that
   
   "Children are not things to be molded, but are people to be unfolded"

So, relax, learn about and enjoy your children’s differences from each other and from you, and help them enjoy themselves, their strengths, and their possibilities.

Leon Pyle, PhD

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