Teen Substance Abuse - Taking Action

If you believe that your teen has a drug or alcohol abuse problem, or is inclined through temperament, genetics, or environmental circumstances to develop a problem, what action can you take?

1. Inform yourself. You have already begun to do this by reading this article, but there are many more websites, books, and other resources to utilize, some of which are listed in Teen Substance Abuse Resources and References. You may know nothing about drugs, but you will need to learn as much or more than your teen if you want to help.
   
2. Get Help Now. If you believe that it is possible that your son or daughter has or is developing a drug or alcohol abuse problem, reach out for help now. The earlier you take active steps, the more easily your son or daughter can be helped.
   
3. Care Enough to Incur Your Teen's Rage. Don't be afraid that your son or daughter will hate you. He or she will undoubtedly be mad if you act, perhaps even raging mad, but at the same time s/he will be secretly happy to know that you care enough to do what is difficult. A substance abusing teen knows that s/he is out of control and needs your boundary setting, even though most will vehemently deny that they need help. In fact, most teens will claim that you are ruining their lives by intervening. Nevertheless, if you act with courage and love, your son or daughter will someday almost assuredly thank you for your insight and commitment.
   
4. Allow Your Teen To Suffer Consequences. In family drug and alcohol interventions, especially with upper-middle and upper income families, it is often all too apparent that the teens have been protected from experiencing life's normal negative consequences and have come to believe that they are entitled to never feel pain or frustration. Although these loving parents have the best of intentions, their behavior teaches their kids that they can do what they want with no thought of negative affects, and that they should never have to deal with difficult feelings (which are normal in life). It may sound a bit cruel, but if your parenting style falls into this category, a good practice is to strive to tell your teens, "No" to one-half of their requests. They need to know that they cannot do everything they want. This is a complicated topic and deserves more space than is available in this article, but it is hoped that you will give behavior and consequences some thought to determine if you are helping or hurting your child to come to terms with reality. For more on this topic, see Out-of-Control Teens - How Did We Get Here? You may want to read The Price of Privilege, referenced in Teen Substance Abuse Resources & References.
   
5. Therapy. If you have reason to believe that your son or daughter is self-medicating, i.e., using drugs to avoid painful feelings, consider psychotherapy for him or her. Group treatment can also be helpful, but avoid putting a 13 year old in a group with 17 or 18 year olds, where he or she may be negatively influenced.
   
6. Family Therapy. It can be useful to view the problem as a "systems problem" and begin family therapy. There are many advantages to family therapy, not the least of which is that your teen is not singled out as the person with the problem, but the one who is acting out the pain of the entire family. Frequently, the suffering teen is particularly sensitive, often has more than normal difficulty expressing feelings in words, is sometimes particularly intelligent, and is more susceptible to family discord and lack of intimacy than other members. With no way to talk about what is occurring in the family, he or she feels compelled, usually unconsciously, to act instead.
   
7. Create a Plan of Action. Get objective advice. You probably can't see your son or daughter's behavior as clearly as others can. Ask professionals to help you assess the situation and set a plan of action into motion. Talk to your son or daughter. Tell him or her that you are very concerned, and let him or her know why. S/he may deny a drug or alcohol abuse problem, or may tell you that s/he is concerned too, and glad that you finally brought the subject up. You may want to impose a drug counseling program on your son or daughter (if he or she has been caught using, for example), or you may be in need of a short-term residential program, a family intervention by specialists, or a wilderness program that specializes in youth substance abuse issues. You may have reached the point of needing a long-term boarding school program where drugs are simply not available, and teens have a chance to be clean and sober while they look carefully at their lives and where they are heading. There are many steps that are possible, but the first one, and often the one we are most reluctant to take, is to ask for professional help. It is not absolutely necessary that your have incontrovertible evidence before you act. A good rule of thumb is: "If you think your kid may be using, s/he is using." For your teen's sake, don't postpone action.
   
8. Don't Be Embarrassed. The last bit of advice is, don't be embarrassed. You are not a terrible parent because your teen is struggling. It takes a myriad of circumstances to create a drug abuse problem, and most of it was out of your hands. Furthermore, it is not a personal problem, it is a national (and international) problem. For example, you can't watch television for more than a few minutes before you see a convincing advertisement by a pharmaceutical company advising you to take a pill and solve any problem you have. Sports and alcohol are constantly linked by the media. We've created a culture of drug use and abuse, and your son or daughter, as well as you and I, are part of that culture, whether we like it or not.

The minute you reach out for help, you will discover just how many families are struggling with similar problems. Go to one Al-Anon (based on Alcoholics Anonymous principals, but designed for individuals living with a drug or alcohol abusing or dependent person) or CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) meeting, for example, and you will find parents, probably some of whom you know but had no idea of their family struggle, who will share their story with you. If you want to insure that you don't meet someone you know, go to a meeting in a different part of town, or in a neighboring town, but don't put off finding the support you need. You are not alone, and if you will reach out, there is help for you and your teen. In the final analysis, there is no one you can control but yourself, but by changing your habits and behaviors, everyone in the family has to shift with you.

Leon Pyle, PhD

• Teen Substance Abuse Resources & References